I can't cope.
I literally can't do this.
I can't cope.
Those words were my daily mantra six years ago. Today, they're a reminder of how far I've come.
Let's wind the clock back. As a 6-year-old, I was playing behind the sofa and overheard my Dad worry to a friend that I was too chubby. He didn't know I was there and his concern was out of love. At the time I don't remember thinking about it once. But, as an adult, I have thought about it more than once. A lot more! I believe that I grew up, yo-yo'ing with weight marked by periods of under-eating, binge eating, making myself sick and trying multiple diets, partly (if not wholly – sorry Dad!) due to that comment. A comment that wasn't meant to be heard. A comment out of love. But extraordinarily damaging.
Words have power.
Whether whispered behind a sofa or shouted in our own minds, they shape our reality in ways we rarely recognise until much later.
My history of self-loathing was on and off from a young age to my 20s. Then I found BMF (British Military Fitness) and loved it so much that my body naturally got into shape – There was still mental unrest under the surface, but on the outside I was looking great.
Then I had children.
And breast fed them.
And it started to bubble up again.
Birth is traumatic. I needed a blood transfusion and stitches. The recovery was slow and painful. My breasts had absolutely ballooned when my milk came in. Then sucked dry. And repeat for another 6 months x 2. I loved being a Mum but in me, I found myself struggling again, not feeling attractive, and telling myself the same.
Just like when I split up from the girls' Dad. My common internal dialogue was 'I can't cope, I can't cope, I can't cope,' on repeat.
So around 6 years ago, I decided not to be a victim of words. I mean, when I write this, I'm thinking, really – such damage by words! But it is true, what we hear or tell ourselves is the make or break.
Research in neuroscience shows that repetitive negative thoughts create neural pathways that become stronger with each use. When I repeated 'I can't cope' to myself, I was literally rewiring my brain to believe it. Studies from the field of neuroplasticity demonstrate that our brains physically change based on our thoughts and experiences.
The good news?
Positive affirmations work the same way - they create new, healthier neural pathways. This isn't just feel-good advice; it's backed by science.
My affirmation practice began awkwardly - standing before the mirror, feeling ridiculous as I forced myself to say words I didn't believe. 'I am strong. I am enough. I can cope.' But gradually, day by day, something shifted. The words began to feel less foreign, more true.
And I have had many men and women doing the same as a result of our coaching together. Men at their lowest point after splitting up with their wives, actors on the verge of breakdown and men working in construction, all facing up to their vulnerability as they tell themselves what they should have heard years ago.
Thank god for neuroplasticity.
It's never too late.
I understand that those three words - 'I can't cope' - were never the truth. They were simply a story I told myself.
What story are you telling yourself today? And what might happen if you decide to write a new one?